shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at about main and main street
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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