I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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