dude i'm inner monologue high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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