my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
