it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
