do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
