Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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