I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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