forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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