She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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