new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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