she looked like the bat from fern gully.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
