I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
