apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
