The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
