Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
