I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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