Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
