if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
