I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
