Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
