Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
