guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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