hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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