why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
