Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
