so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
