I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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