Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
