i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
