i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
