WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize