Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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