She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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