If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
