He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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