I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have demons in me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
