did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
