I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
