You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
