My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
