Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My penis needs a shock collar
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
