I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
