If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
