I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
