my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
