It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
