You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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