I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
