Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
