She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
