i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
