and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
