Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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