My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
