Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
