I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There r osticjed everywhere
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
