Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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