let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he thought i was a dude.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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