So drunk its hurt
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
