Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
