I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
