he was CRYING into my vagina
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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