This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
