3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
