best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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