Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
