She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
