smell my finger.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
