peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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