U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
