I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
