all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she peed on how many people?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
